Dirty Martini Baby

Sorry, a very bare bones update today, b/c I feel ill and I think today might be the magic day where I actually hurl at work. Crossing fingers and really hoping I don’t. God, its so hard sometimes, I felt fine until I ate. You know why I ate, b/c normally, I feel ill if I don’t eat? So what’s a girl to do? Sorry, husib, your mama’s a bit cranky at the moment, and this crushing headache isn’t helping matters.

Anyway, on to the edible matters update. Its dirty martini week in my uterus, b/c Husib is the size of an olive, a lovely delicious pimento stuffed green olive, that tastes better and better when it soaks up some good Tanqueray. Yummm….but Husib no gin for you until you are 21…so you can just be an ingredient for now.

Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like… well… a baby!

Congratulations on becoming a fetus husib! yaaay!

How far along? 9 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: – same as last week
Maternity clothes? Not yet. 
Stretch marks? No.
Sleep: Yes, especially, if I do any sort of activity
Best moment this week: being more than 1/2 way over first trimester.
Movement: Way to early
Food cravings: Fries, Fresca, sour gummies
Gender:  haven’t thought about it this week
Labor Signs: Too early
Pregnancy Symptoms:  Long headaches, cramps, Nausea
Belly Button in or out? Innie.
What I miss: Not feeling sick
What I am looking forward to:  A three day weekend for Memorial day 
Weekly Wisdom: You have to pee much more than you thing
Milestones: Fetushood

A Little Flickering

Scratch all my whining from my earlier post. I’m ecstatic today…completely giddy.

Yesterday, I had my first doctors appt at Duke Perinatal. J and I went to lunch and then headed to our 2pm appt to see the doc. She was really nice and funny and answered all our questions and most importantly, she did an ultrasound. It was a little uncomfortable because she did a dildocam one instead of belly one, but the discomfort was well worth it.J and I actually got to see our little peanut shaped husib, with its giant head on the monitor and we saw its little flickering heart and heard the whoosh whoosh whoosh of the heartbeat! It was amazing! Words simply can’t describe the feeling. Unfortunately for it was a mobile Ultrasound unit so they couldn’t print out any pictures and honestly, I was so awestruck when we were looking at it that I even forgot all about getting a copy until it was all over. But we decided to do an ultrasound for genetic indicators testing in a month, so I’ll have another Ultrasound then again. Can’t wait to see the husib.
After that it was blood work and J and I were in a complete blissful daze. We spent all afternoon going like this:

N: Oh, did you see the heart beat
J: Yeah, and did you notice the head
N: yeah yeah ,and what about that noise
J: and did you see the heart beat?
N; yeah, can you believe that?

And so it continued in an infinite loop. J and I celebrated my calling my dad and then heading out for a yummy dinner, which to be honest J probably enjoyed more than me, since I was feeling a little out of sorts from my nausea. But we had to celebrate because according to J, its the single most important day in our lives yet.

Okay, so here’s the 8 week update:

 

Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can’t feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

 

How far along? 8 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: -2lbs
Maternity clothes? Not yet. My pants still fit, but I will have to get maternity dress pants for a conference soon
Stretch marks? No.
Sleep: Yes, but I have to force myself to go to bed late
Best moment this week: Seeing the husib
Movement: Way to early
Food cravings: Grapes, Ice cream and pasta and Izze
Gender: It changes every day
Labor Signs: Too early
Pregnancy Symptoms: Gassy, bloated and super nauseated after 3 pm
Belly Button in or out? Innie.
What I miss: Being able to eat dinner
What I am looking forward to: seeing the husib again in a month
Weekly Wisdom:according to my boss ” Don’t be a hero” during your pregnancy, relax and take it easy
Milestones: seeing the husib, listening to the heartbeat, feeling a little like a parent and gushing about how cute my peanut is.

Ambivalent

I am going to do my 8 week update in tomorrow because I have my doctor’s appt then and I’m hoping to spot the husib in an ultrasound, if the doctor does one. But lately, I’ve been thinking more deeply about what this pregnancy means for my life. I think the initial euphoria and giddiness has worn off a little and I’m faced with more heavier feelings. I sometimes still forget that I’m pregnant and I know thats okay because it is still very early. But I am also very very afraid. This isn’t nervousness, or anxiety ,but real fear! For 27 years, I’ve only had myself to take care of but now suddenly I will have to take care of someone else, which is like taking on a whole new identity. I know J and I and husib are lucky compared to some- husib will be coming into a two parent house, J and I both have steady careers that are on a upward swing, we have supportive parents and friends that are super excited for us, but what if that’s not enough? for the husib? or me?

I know, it makes me a bad mother to be so ambivalent about motherhood, but I think its honest. I am starting to feel huge waves of fear about what the future holds. I recently read a Memoir titled Rattled about Christine Coppa who became a single mom at 26, only a year younger than me and it chronicled how scared she was to do it alone. But the crazy thing is , I feel more alone than she did. She moved in with her family, her brothers were single and became intimately involved in her life and she became a curiosity and an anomaly to her friends. As for me I feel more alone, because I’m expected to be perfect, I’m not a single mom, I should be good at this, I should be super happy, have no fears, no ambivalence. I feel like I’m going to suffocate under all this pressure. I think my parents will be as supportive as they can be but really when you are married,you can’t move in with the parents, its up to J and I , we are a seperate unit after all. I can’t believe I’m this upset with growing up.

I feel like because I’m 27 and married and planned this child, I’m not supposed to have the same regrets and fears that a 20 something single mom would have. I deeply mourn my crazy, hedonistic life that I shared with J. we were married, and had no plan, except to just hang out and have a good time; we partied hard on Friday and Saturday nights, had wicked hangovers in the mornings, went to brunch with our friends for hare of the dogs, went to concerts in dimly lit, smoky bars, spent ridiculous amounts of money to stock our bar and my closet and just like that that life is gone and I’m expected to not mourn, because, I knew the baby was coming, because J and I planned to give it all up and have a baby. I wish it were that simple.

I love the husib, more than I can explain. I have no ambivalence about that at all, but I’m terrified of everything else.

Antioxidant Baby

This week I’m thinking of Husib as Super power baby becasue its a blueberry, and apparently blueberries are some sort of miracle fruit that are just loaded with antioxidants. So other than being a delicious addition to a banana smoothie, Husib is being super anti oxidanty as well. Yaaay! 

 

 

Baby’s brain — both hemispheres! — is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby’s third!) is now in place.

On to the weekly update and a side note: Husib, Do you really  need a third Kidney? I mean really? what are you doing in there?  Is that why you are making me feel pukey all afternoon?
How far along? 7 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: same as last week.
Maternity clothes? No. Haven’t bought any yet but I really will this week. For real.
Stretch marks? No.
Sleep: Sleeping through the nights these last few days.
Best moment this week: Seeing how protective J is getting and seeing his excitement
Movement: Way to early
Food cravings: Ice Cream, Ice Cream and Ice Cream
Gender: Unlike last week, I’m getting girl vibes
Labor Signs: Too early
Pregnancy Symptoms: Sore boobs, sore ab muscles, and dear god the NASUEA. Also, zits
Belly Button in or out? Innie.
What I miss: Not feeling like a freak at a party b/c everyone is drinking except me
What I am looking forward to: the end of Nausea
Weekly Wisdom: Lime and Salt are so good when dreaded m/s hits
Milestones: Not being in denial about pregnancy anymore. Some not so close friends know now as well.

65 Things

Tagged by my friend Jessica

1. First thing you wash in the shower? Hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Its a grey one from North face. Its really simple and cozy

 3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes. Since I’m married to him

 4. Do you plan outfits? Sometimes, if I’ve managed to not sleep in or if I’m going to a party and I’m feeling extra fashiony.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? A little scared, but happy that its a friday, but scared because I have to have a u/s also a little excited cuz I might spot Husib

6. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red? Physically close – Tape Dispenser. Emotionally close my friend Kati- a redhead  

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having. I had a dream about switching desks at work with a coworker, not terribly exciting

 8. Did you meet anybody new today? Nope, not yet, but I’ll meet my U/s nurse later today

9. What are you craving right now? Nothing, I pretty much hate food now

10. Do you floss daily? ummm….noooo…maybe once a week on a good week

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Coleslaw

12. Are you emotional? Sometimes about somethings, I know thats kind of vague but I guess I’m vaguely emotional.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Actually yes, I think I’ve gone all the way to 2500. It was my favorite way to annoy people and entertain myself on long car trips

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? I’m a licker.

15. Do you like your hair? Yeah, I think its one of my better features, but I don’t style it a lot, I just let it air dry

16. Do you like yourself? Yes. A lot..ha ha

 17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? No, I’ve spent too many hours on him already and I never want to see, hear or speak about him again

 18. What are you listening to right now? My coworkers chattering down the hall and my keyboard’s clicking.

19. Are your parents strict? No, not anymore, they were for a few years when I was a teenager, but it was more protective than strict, there really weren’t any rules.

20. Would you go skydiving? Absolutely. I love the adrenaline rush

 21. Do you like cottage cheese? I feel very neutral about it, I dont hate it but I don’t love it, I feel this way about most dairy products

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes, I met Willie Nelson and Sherman ALexie, but they are not pop culture celebrities

23. Do you rent movies often? Yes, if Netflix and illegal downloads count.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? CDs are the only thing I see , I’m at work

 25. How many countries have you visited? USA, Canada, Bahamas, Singapore, Saudi Arabia, UAE, India , Zimbabwe, South Africa- So 9 I guess. I have a long way to go

26. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes, my friend and i used to do it a lot when I was younger.

27. Ever been on a train? Yes, it’s the most common form of transporation in India

28. Brown or white eggs? Both

29.Do you have a cell-phone? Yeah, who in the U.S under 90 doesn’t?

30. Do you use chap stick?  Not too often, I’m not a big fan, but in winter I do.

31. Do you own a gun? No and I don’t ever want to.

32. Can you use chop sticks? Yes, pretty well, I think

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? My husband and some friends for a Swedish dinner

34. Are you too forgiving? Depends on what there is to forgive and whom.  I would like to believe that I could

35. Ever been in love? Ofcourse, its the best feeling

 36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? I don’t really know what Kati is doing, my guess is work, b/c she is a workaholic these days

37. Ever have cream puffs? yeah, I wasn’t impressed.

38. Last time you cried? Earlier this week, I’m a hormonal mess?

39. What was the last question you asked? I asked my friend Jim how he plans to grow yeast.

41. Do you have any tattoos? Nope, I’m not a big tattoo person…anymore

 42. Are you sarcastic? Yes, Sacrastic and funny…probably not

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? THe movie? yeah, it was kinda lame. The actual concept? No

44. Ever walked into a wall? I’m sure I’ve been drunk enough that I might have, but I don’t remember a particular instance

 45. Favorite color? Yellow, always yellow, orange is a close second.

46. Have you ever slapped someone? Playfully yeah.

47. Is your hair curly? Wavy.

48. What was the last CD you bought? I can’t remember, I haven’t bought a CD in years, but I did download a new Album by Neko Case.

49. Do looks matter? No

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? I want to say no, but who knows, I’ve not been cheated on, so I haven’t had the experience

51. Is your phone bill sky high? No, same amount every month

52. Do you like your life right now? Yeah, things are pretty great at the moment

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? No.  I don’t believe in TVs in the bedroom

54. Can you handle the truth? Ha ha…sure, I think everyone can.

55. Do you have good vision? With my contacts I do

58. The last person you held hands with? My husband.

59. What are you wearing? Jeans and a stripey polo. Its casual friday.

60.What is your favorite animal? Tigers and Wolves and Hyenas

61. Where was your profile picture taken? On a cruise ship in the Bahamas.

62. Can you hula hoop? Not really

63. Do you have a job? Yes, I don’t love every second of  it, but I enjoy it and it pays the bills.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? A sprite and egg biscuit for breakfast this mornign

65. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes. may times.