Before the fog

I’ve been so excited by the thought of having a baby these past few months that I haven’t given myself permission to think about the big cultural impacts of me having a child. Two things have lately worried me a lot, they were of course always there on the back burner but now they have moved from being abstract ideas to concrete dilemmas.

Yesterday at the doc’s office, J and I played a stupid game of flipping through the parenting magazine and counting the different ethnicities represented in the ads and what started out as a really silly game turned disturbing, when we found 5 ads in a magazine with nearly a 100 pages of advertisements that had non white babies or toddlers. Especially weird, given the cover story was “How to raise a color blind child.”  It disturbs me on a lot of levels to think that my child will never see someone who looks remotely like him on mainstream media. I know things are changing but I didn’t realize how slow the change. Interestingly, internet magazines, blogs and alternative media outlets seem a lot more culturally and racially inclusive. So, yes, I could be that parent that avoids mainstream media and only exposes myself to niche outlets but it seems rather escapist to me. Also the lack of any mention of father or picture of fathers in these magazines. Why, dear god? We are in the 21st century? Most new fathers I know are quite involved in their children’s lives and actually have very strong preferences when it comes to consuming baby products, why wouldn’t these magazines reach out to them? Why is there still such a rejection of modern families, but an archaic, idealistic desire for traditional roles?

The second thing that has been scaring me is the new mommy wars which has expanded into a parent vs non parent battle. I have nothing against people who choose to be child free, hell I probably will start to envy them but I am a little worried about all this cultural hate towards mothers. I understand that babies crying or fussing might be annoying to others who don’t have them but am I really expected to give up all adult pleasures simply because I have an infant? Then won’t I get tagged with the classification that I have no other interests than children? How am  I supposed to win.

I know I can’t really do anything about these things now, so maybe it is best I don’t dwell on them too much, but sometimes a girl just has to vent.

All done.

Itchy Trigger Finger But a stable turntable

Oh Beastie Boys, so applicable to pregnant women. I mean I’m still too early for labor physically, but god dammit I’m ready to pop out this kid. Well okay, mostly.  I keep saying I’m ready, but I thought I was having early labor in Target yesterday it scared me to death. Anyway, the point is that the end is in sight!

How far along? 36 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 20 lbs total, but I’m okay with it, I think I’ll probably stay right around here hopefully until the end of the pregnancy.
Maternity clothes? Ready to not be wearing them anymore. Now I’m buying cute tops that I think I can wear after the belly is gone.
Stretch marks? Yep, still there
Sleep:  Very very bad. Some nights I wake up with terrible hip and back aches. However, my doc has said that its okay to take some benadryl or tylenol pm to help and I actually might take her up on it.

Best moment this week: Finding out that the kiddo is head down and in position, not ready to come out or anything, but at least facing the right direction. Good job husib!

Movement: He’s a kicking machine

Food cravings: nothing new other than cake. J and I are on a cake eating spree- This week we ‘ve had German Chocolate and Tiramisu
Gender:  Boy
Labor Signs: Head down, a little more pressure on my cervix and pelvic floor. Also some unexciting but painful cramps.
Pregnancy Symptoms: Heartburn continues, swollen feet and new for this week- carpal tunnel, now my hands  hurt too.
Belly Button in or out? All right the coworkers win, its out
What I miss: Walking, not waddling
What I am looking forward to: Thanksgiving-Wooo hoooo. Also seeing my dad for the holiday
Weekly Wisdom: You are not as prepared for labor as you think! Yet!
Milestones: Less than a month to go! Wow

35/35

This weekend I crossed the big 35/35 milestone . So basically, this means I have completed 35 weeks of pregnancy and have 35 days until my due date. So 1 month and 5 days ( or in my case today, 3 days). So here’s my 35/35 survey-

 

How far along? 35 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: not sure since last visit, but I know I’ve gained some b/c some clothes fit differently. I’ve stopped caring at this point.
Maternity clothes? Ready to not be wearing them anymore
Stretch marks? Yep, still there
Sleep:  Very very bad. Some nights I wake up with terrible hip and back aches.

Best moment this week: Getting 80% of the nursery done. Also, I had the most delicious baby dream last night where I was chilling with the husib.

Movement: He was very quiet all weekend, but he is a kicking machine this weekend. Or maybe I just notice more when I’m at work. Also this kid definitely has his times mixed up, cuz his most active time is 10pm onwards.
Food cravings: Grapes, waters, grapefruit and water and grilled cheese sandwiches, or mac cheese…okay pretty much anything with cheese.
Gender:  Boy
Labor Signs: What about your kid kicking the crap out of your cervix? Does that count? I mean  he obviously has figured out that thats the way out. Also some unexciting but painful cramps.
Pregnancy Symptoms: Heartburn continues, swollen feet and new for this week- carpal tunnel, now my hands  hurt too.
Belly Button in or out? My coworkers say its out, I say its still flat
What I miss: A Dirty martini and oysters, from watching MadMen this week. Sigh
What I am looking forward to: Being a 100% done with the nursery. Getting the baby out.
Weekly Wisdom: There is nothing fun about doing manual labor (setting up the nursery) this late in the game. Should have done this when I had more energy.
Milestones: Finished our Childbirth class…I am now armed with all sorts of labor and baby care information. J changed a diaper on a practice doll for the first time in his life. We are on our way to becoming parents.

I saw the video

And I still live. It wasn’t that bad but I did I squint a little bit so maybe I got a distorted picture. I love childbirth class because the massaging rocks and our homework is practicing the massage, so hopefully I’ll have a super nice backrubs from J this weekend.

Honeydew Hurry up!

Baby’s senses are continuing to improve — when light peeks in through your (extremely) stretched belly, those tiny eyelids and irises blink and dilate. And, baby can now recognize and react to simple songs… time to start practicing your lullabies! Growth (at least inside your womb) is starting to slow, and you may notice baby descend into your pelvis at the end of this month.

Time has been really getting away from these days! The weeks seem to just fly by and fatigue has completely taken over my evenings. I mostly just want to sleep sleep and sleep, but I can’t sleep in long stretches anymore. Last night J and I had our first childbirth class and it was educational and fun. Fun b/c we spent 45 mins on the dads massaging the moms. Loved it!!! I’m a little nervous because my teacher seems to be more biased towards non medicated childbirth and I ‘m definitely more on the medicated side. She said she is going to give us information on both options, I just need to remember to ask good questions. Other than that, there are no huge changes, just lots of little ones in my body and mind.

How far along? 33 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I have gained 4lbs since the last doc visit- Yikes but my doc says that I’m still on the lower end of healthy weight gain. So I don’t need to worry but of course I still do.
Maternity clothes? I had two fave tee shirts that were non maternity that I was successfully wearing until this weekend. This weekend, it was hopeless, unless I wanted the whole world to see my love handles.
Stretch marks? Yep, still there
Sleep: Terrible, naps have gone from being a luxury to essential.

Best moment this week: Not doing anything baby related this weekend. J and I were just us…it was nice.

Movement: Kid wants out. I  think I felt a heel the other day
Food cravings: Fruit, water, breadsticks ( thats just for right now, cuz I know I’m going to UNOs for lunch with my friends)
Gender:  Boy
Labor Signs:No braxton hicks this week- yippeee
Pregnancy Symptoms: Hello heartburn! I guess, you are here to stay? yes?
Belly Button in or out? Its flat
What I miss: Did I mention beer? Also this week I went to a seafood place and did not get raw oysters. I think I died a little on the inside. I want oysters. My friend F has given me the terrific idea of having a forbidden foods party after husib has made an appearance
What I am looking forward to: Meeting husib. I’m having a “I’m excited to be a mom week” as opposed to “wtf was I thinking week”
Weekly Wisdom: Not to get sentimental, but I’ve been feeling very lucky this week in terms of this pregnancy. I guess gratitude is the word of the week.
Milestones: Husib went to his first concert for his dad! He kicked around to ABBA in the car and made his mama happy. I discussed my cervix with strangers at my birth class.